Ego and ego identities - July 2016
Written by Pavithra L H @ starcrystalportal.com
We go through many different levels of dimensions as we down-step into human form. With that, there are different levels of our matrix like avatar, over-soul, soul and the final one being the incarnate self and its matrix. This incarnate matrix and the incarnate self that is created with it seems to be the one that is heavily affected by our experience in the material world, or the form existence. What I mean by this is that the incarnate self is the one that has gotten itself attached more with form and trapped in the material world.

When we look around us, we can understand why this is so easy for us as when we are born into this world, we learn from our environment and the people around us and they are all expressing some form of ego and attachments to form. So through our experience, and with the influence of ego, we get on with creating more ego identities without even realizing what we are doing it. How this may have happened initially for the first humans that were born to this planet is another story.

Ego creates identities
When we begin to understand ego, we can see why creating multiple selves or identities, masks, thought form and many other filters seems to be the way to go about for it to exist. Every time we go overboard with anything, any form of extreme attachment to anything, be it an object, person or experience we are somehow creating an identity of some sort within us. It could be just a filter, a thought form, a mask, a holding pattern, a body and a self; it all depends on how much of an interest and attachment we have with it and what kind of perception we hold with it. We really don't understand this at all as we go about our life we continually create these within us. There can be many of these selves within us as we have been creating them since our childhood. In a way, they are all filters, ego filters that we have created to see the world through ego perceptions. Some have triggers, memories, time-frames, events, people etc and they only come online when those things get triggered, others continue to be active till we die.

It's not the end of ego
If we think, when we die that is the end of these ego identities we might be wrong on that. When we dig deep, we can begin to see that when we die some of the patterns have gotten attached to our other matrixes as well. This does not end with one lifetime, we accumulate these things and store them in our matrixes. They are in our matrixes, DNA, and memories etc.. For example, when we dig deep to clear ourselves, we notice ancient memories in the form of soul memories, cellular memories, DNA, ancestry and distorted patterns that need clearing, and correcting which come up for us. These are those ego created patterns and memories that we have stored with us in our matrixes.

Walk the middle path
In Buddhist teaching, there is a suggestion from Buddha that we should 'walk the middle path'. This saying was understood by many in so many ways and one of the things that we understood was that we need to move out of good and bad, or the light and dark polarized thinking and move into the natural state where we are neutral toward everything. But with the understanding of ego identities or ego selves, I begin to realize that there can be other layers to 'walk the middle path'. Of course, this is my interpretation and this might be true for you or not. It seems that when we are ego driven and go to extremes with anything, without us knowing a self or something similar to a self, gets created within us to hold that, to drive that extremeness. The more we give in to ego demands the stronger this thought form or the self, becomes. This way, we have created many selves or identities within our lifetimes. And we think and behave as if we are that self and continue to achieve and walk the path with ego self as our master without being fully aware of this situation that we have gotten ourselves into.

But when we are on the middle path then we don't go after things with extremes, there is no polarized thinking, there is a neutral thinking. We simply participate with things through our eternal self. This way, our motives are not ego driven and we don't create a self, a filter to drive us. Even if there is an ego influence the effects are minimal and we don't have another ego identity that possesses and drives us mad to achieve what ego wants. This seems to be the only way to not create more ego selves and filters and not give in to ego demands that much. The more we do this the easier for us to be truly aligned to our eternal-self that comes through our form. This way our perception of reality becomes as clean as it can be and there are no translators or middlemen (in this case the ego selves) to control our experience in form. We are fully one with the oneness and expressing our self, the eternal self through the form. The less ego within us the easier for us to navigate our human experience. This seems a bit difficult to understand all at once but when we are ready it is something we all begin to understand and slowly experience in time.

Can there be ego selves with our spiritual journey?
Recent experiences have shown us that even as we go through our spiritual evolution or ascension journey without us knowing we may have created one or more ego selves within us. It seems really paradoxical to say this or experience this, how come we have ego selves when we are on our spiritual awakening path? The reason for this is without us knowing, at least some of us have made ascension a goal, a must, an agenda of some sort. We say we must be free from this, we have to get there, there is no other way, etc. All these things in a way are somewhat extreme and without us knowing we have created ego identities, and these identities will not stop for anything and will throw out anything or anyone that is in its way to achieving what it wants. In a way, it will sacrifice everything to get there. This behavior seems correct from one point of view as we are doing what we want but there is an ego self that is doing it, that is the problem. As long as there is a self we cannot really move to the self-less state. This is why I say this seems paradoxical yet this is the case. We might not be able to see this or understand this till this self begins to cry, moan and complain and go into victim states continually and is not willing to give up. It will not give up and surrender to what is. Without surrender to what is, we are still going against life and what life has to offer for us to experience, to learn. At least this has been my experience. There is ego behind this and even though ego does not want to get destroyed through spiritual awakening it has come back through the back door and has got me(I) through this way. Funny to see and realize this. There might be more levels to this but this seems to be the case at this moment and to observe that there can be ego attachments to ascension experience is something to watch out for.

Three states
There seems to be 3 states of awareness that we go through with the realization of ego and ego identities or selves. There might be more states that you might go through, if so, then that is okay as well; the number does not really matter what matters is that you understand this and be mindful of where you are with it.

State 1. - We are not aware that ego self is running the show, we complain and resist the event, person or situation. We are unconscious of what is going on. And most of the time we are in the victim state and say that life is not treating us fair.

State 2. - We complain and resist while going through the experience, sometimes feeling victimized of the situation or person other times simply expressing emotions. But we are aware that we are doing it and allow ourselves to feel it while noticing and also witnessing what we are doing. From this state, with this awareness, we begin to grow awareness more and more. And through that ego selves begin to lose their control over us also this allows us to move into the next state of awareness.

State 3. - We witness the event without any resistance with the understanding that whatever is happening and the experience that we are having is not us but a self, an identity within us. You as an eternal being do not feel or think this way and you are just an observer, witnessing what is going on without any reactions. At this state, you feel you are outside of this identity connected to your eternal spirit.

Depending on our awareness of what is going on at any moment, we might be in any of these states. But most of us tend to stick to one state and then go back and forth with the next one. Say if you are in state 1, then you will be resisting and complaining then all of a sudden, you get a glimpse of the second state and then you realize what is going on. This realization might last for a bit and then you are back in the ego-self, complaining. We go back and forth from unconscious to conscious states for a while with the same event or any other events till we get a hold of the second state where we are conscious and aware of what we are going through. When you are aware of this state and comfortable in this awareness, you move to the next state where you know this identity, this self that is complaining is not you but an ego self and you simply witness it. This too is a going back and forth situation till you fully get into the witness state, which is state 3.

Ego still working
When you begin to be more aware of ego selves, that means ego knows you are on to it as it cannot take you over that much and pretend to be you. This is the time ego is more active and aggressive. At this state you will notice that there is a desire to be more involved with things, do things and see things, listen to things or fight for things. Basically, there is a desire to make noise and be distracted, there is a desire to look for stimulus. This is egos way of fighting back. There is also the desire to re-build more selves or, and repair them. The self-loathing, self-enhancing methods can be seen in this state as both actions can be used to create more identities or patch up parts that are being dismantled.

Also, remember, if you are aware of ego then it is losing. So it will tell you that you need to escape. There is something else that we can do instead of going through this pain, there is fun somewhere else. This is also a method to trick you in to go unconscious so it can re-build it self.  If you are aware of ego, then you are facilitating an alchemy process within you. You are going through the pain of burning ego out of you and it is painful and ego don't want to be there, so any thing to distract you from where you are will be presented to you in your mind; a fantasy is what you are being given in a form of a great opportunity which if you pay attention already has holes in it. So watch out.

Feeling not enough
Another way the ego is at work is you begin to think that there is more to do and you want it. You say, I want more from life, I feel I can do more and be more yet you are not satisfied with what you have. The underline reason for this is lack-consciousness which is part of ego thinking as ego always feels insecure. What you have is not enough!. 'NOT ENOUGH' and 'NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT YOU HAVE' and not be content with what you have is an ego thinking. There is a self or many identities within you, wanting more feeding, wanting more to exist. Feeding any of these selves does not bring you what you are really after. As soon as you get what you want, you are wanting something else. This is ego at work and there is no end to this. The eternal self is content with what it has and does not feel lack. It is content and happy with what it has and continues to create more but without lack thinking. All these frustrations we experience are yet another escape mechanism to be away from the now moment and your true self. To create and be something can only come through being alignment with our true self not with an ego. It is something that happens automatically. At this stage going after something or fighting to get what we want does not free us from self but creates another self.

Ego in everyday life
Ego personalities, thought forms or identities are so common in our everyday life situations. We think all those resistances to the world and fighting against or for things is who we are. In truth this is not us at all, this is ego in action. Everything is an enemy to ego, there is some sort of separation thinking with all of it. When we look at our life situations, be it financial, trouble at the workplace, a relationship issue, a disease or anything else, there is an ego self, an identity resisting the situation and wanting it to be the way it wants. If it is the workplace, we say they cheat me of my benefits package, money, commissions or salary. We say they are using us for their gains and not paying us enough. I don't have a choice but to work because this is the only way I get money. This is true for most of us and we are all feeling victimized by this kind of situation. At this stage we are not aware of ego identities and how they have created these situations for us or how they are not letting us see the truth and keep us trapped in this falsehood. Also, not letting us manifest a better reality for us. In a sick way, it wants these problems, so it can resist, be against and have an identity, a self to attach these events to. If there are no events like this then there won't be an ego self, a thought form and all the negative energies associated with it, within us.

Fixing outer world does not correct inner issues
If we are conscious enough, even for a few moments then we begin to see how these patterns play out in our life while not being able to really surrender to the event and see beyond it. We still live in it, complaining and feeling victimized. We don't fully understand that we have manifested this situation for ourselves from within. Our inner reality is shown in our outer reality. Another way to say it is, our outer world, the material world, the events and people, show us what is going on with our inner world.

To fix this, we have to correct the inner reality, not the outer one. But at this stage, state 1 or 2 awareness level, we are still somewhat unconscious and resist what is, what has happened to us and we want to fix the outer reality. We say, there is not enough time or energy to correct all these problems. We feel overwhelmed by problems but we continue to resist what is; what we have created/manifested for us. The reality with most of us is, we are always after fixing our outer reality without much awareness of why these events have come into our life. Why we have created them for ourselves. We waste so much time and energy complaining and fighting against what is and attempting to fix situations. This is because we are unconscious to what is really going on, we do what most around us do, or how our parents do, we don't know any other way. Even when we do, the issue is too overwhelming to go inside and find the solution. But we must understand the reality with fixing things outside of ourselves. The thing is, when we fix one issue then another pops up, it is a never ending cycle of problems because we have not fixed our inner reality. When we fix one situation in our outer reality, aka the material world as we have not addressed the core issue within our being, it manifests another situation for us, this continues till we realize what is going on. For some this self-realization never comes, so they go on fixing one issue after another throughout their life.

Momentary awareness of ego identity in action
But if we get momentary awareness of what is going on, then there is a chance we can increase this awareness by paying attention to our feelings, our thinking. We can witness us doing this. Then we begin to understand that we are living inside a self, an identity, an energy field, a thought form that is thinking, resisting and complaining within our body. If we focus more some of us can feel this body or form and how we are within it experiencing its emotions and thinking. If we are at the state of witnessing as well as experiencing what is going on, then all of a sudden we are out of that form for a moment connected to our formless state of who we are and witnessing this negative form, this identity resisting the event. Even, if we did not get this momentary awareness of witness, out of form experience, we still begin to realize this as a form, an energy field that is within us, an ego identity that is doing this and it is not us. Not our natural form or our natural self that is doing this thinking, complaining, resisting. It is something foreign that is within us. If we can understand this, then this thought form that became an identity, energy field within us cannot stay that long. The more we witness, the more we are aware, the harder for it to take control of us and pretend to be us and play its silly game.

It is not us
The harder part of this is to understand that the person that is feeling victimized and resisting the life event, is not you. This is a thought form, an ego identity, a self that was created through ego's reaction to situations and our participating with it. The more we resist the event, the stronger these selves, identities, thought forms get within us. Also, we think if we ignore the event then it will go away. This seems to be a common mistake, resisting the event and ignoring the event has the same impact. It strengthens this self. Ignorance of the situation is another form of resistance but it is a lower level of negativity instead of getting angry. In a way, both are victim states as we are still resisting the event. When we ignore, we leave that event or situation on the side but there is an identity, a thought form that is attached to it and we are still feeding it, keeping it alive without our awareness for most of the time.

If we have the ability to face it, meaning feel it with awareness, observe it, then it can't live within us as we are now aware of its existence. These things survive in us by hiding and by pretending to be us. But if we are aware of them then they can no longer function. They can no longer take our life energy. Then they begin to wither away. At this stage, we must be vigilant to let it die and not let it re-build or repair itself with thoughts of arrogance, superiority or inferiority, victim stories or anything else. It will try its best to keep alive so it will pull few tricks on us and get us to go unconscious so it can re-built itself.

Resistance is futile
We must understand that these selves thrive on us when we feel we have no choice but to fight, but to do something, take actions, or move into fantasy states while ignoring the event. It says 'DO' something to fix the problem while resisting the event, life situation. If we are unconscious, we go and do something else, try to fix the problem and bring in a solution or ignore the event. When we are in a place of resisting and feeling victimized and wanting to do something or go into fantasy worlds. We have to ask the question. Who is within that is resisting?. This can't be the 'I', the eternal that is resisting. Eternal does not resist 'what is' it embraces the event, through that it transform it to its next level or complete the event. It does not resist anything. Then who is within me that is resisting this event and feeling victimized by this life event? That is an ego self, an identity or a thought form that is resisting the event as the event or person does not fit its agenda. All of those agendas are selfish, self-agendas.

If we understand this and witness this self and also move to the state of surrender, meaning surrender to the event. Accept the event as it is, an event that was presented to us and whatever is happening is what it is. Then we neutralize the resistance within us to the event. We move into the state of being one with it as we are not resisting it. Surrendering to an event sometimes takes a lot of effort as there can be many layers within us that are holding negative programs, patterns, and emotions. We have to go beyond all of those to surrender..and surrender some more till we no longer feel an agitation, anger towards the event but a realization that it is just what it is. From this state, we can begin to search for solutions to the event, the situation that we are in. Some even begin to notice that certain events were brought in to teach them something important and through those experiences, they have grown.

Also, there can be other components to the event if it involves many other people, then their ego and our egos do not want to let this go. They want to create negativity with this situation and hurt each other feeding their pain bodies and also take advantage of this event. There is a collective that gets created with this kind of event that wants to emotionally and otherwise make this event a bigger deal than what it is. We have to go past all of this to see what is really going on and surrender to what is, then only the life, our eternal self will begin to guide us to see solutions.

The desire to resist and fight back is something that the ego wants while the eternal self within us simply want to surrender to the event and transform it which it does by finding a solution to the event that brings peace to all parties. If we accomplish this, through this effort another part of the ego within us dies.

So how do we go about this?
We simply surrender to the event thereby neutralizing the negativity and the field of separation that we create between us and the event. Throughout this process, we continually witness the event instead of resisting it or judging it. Meanwhile, we understand and witness that what is within us that is resisting and making a drama out of this is not us but an ego self, an identity. Simply a thought form that we give life by feeding into it. This way we are able to let go of the issue. We also allow ourselves to let go and let God. Meaning we stop the fight and move into the state of BE, a beingness, witness state where the ego-self has no power over us as we are witnessing it. Through this, we begin to neutralize most of the negativity and separation meanwhile the eternal self within us can begin to show us what to DO. What actions to take without ego.

To transform, to correct or neutralize the event and ego part that is attached to it, we have to come from a point of a self-less state, a service state, without any agenda of taking advantage of anything or anyone. We have to continually observe the event and the people associated with it and be the compassionate one, the one that can bring a solution, a win-win situation for all parties as much as we can. We have to ask ourselves, what part of my thinking is egoic, selfish and has an agenda? If there is something then, we are still feeding an ego self and its agenda. We have to go back to the surrender and be the observer of ego self that has come back again showing another layer of it. The ability to take correct action comes through us moving into a 'being' state, not a 'doing' state. The being state, the observer, the witness allow us to understand and bring in most aligned action.

Through surrender, we align with the oneness as there are no resistance or filters to the event within us. With that, the natural guidance system within us activates. Which brings a solution, an action if needed towards the event where we transform or complete the event. Sometimes the surrender and witness of the event are good enough as there is no need to do anything. As the event was created by ego and when ego dies the event disappears. Also, we must understand, sometimes this takes time and continuous effort as there can be layers of the event and ego. It is a process. So bring in patience, if you are not patient then again ego is taking you over. Pay attention.

Good luck
Pavithra

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