Give up all hope for a better past
When it comes to forgiveness: most, find it difficult to wrap their head around events and people involved as ego and self confident issues come out and make it confusing for them.
We keep going back to the past analyzing, digging in to the event looking for better solutions to the situation. We wonder how that event could have been better? We might say, if they said or done this, then it would have been okay and then I could have said or done this and then this problem would not have happened. Or if I said this then this would not have happened at all....blah blah blah. We turn the event upside down and then magnify it to figure out how that problem happened and how that can be solved or corrected.
Many find new ways to solve their problems as we know that we must find a explanation, an understanding that is in alignment to our way of thinking so we can understand and solve it. Here is another way to look at past and forgive that might be useful.
The reality is: that thing, that event, is done and gone from us... There is nothing we can do about it to correct that event that happened at that moment in the past. It is just a memory in our mind. We cannot fix a situation like that way. All we are doing is trying to fix the past. Past is done, it cannot be fixed.
We have to give up all hope for fixing and making the event that happened in the past batter. Unless we can time travel to that moment and face that event again, we cannot fix that problem. At this moment, most of us might not be able to do this time travel thingy, so the solution is to give up hope for fixing that event that happen in the past and look for ways to heal it now.
We must let that event go by forgiving that memory, the memory of that event and the people involved in it including us. Sometimes, we find it hard to forgive certain person for doing what they did as we believe that there must be justice in this universe and that they must pay for it. If this is the case, we have to understand that that there is cause and effect for everything. What we do unto others we do unto ourselves is what we here. So then, let that cause and effect deal with that person. We don't have to go and make justice by ourselves, we might not do it right anyways ;-). If there is anything that needs happening, then let the universal laws that you believe in deal with it and let it go without putting conditions or curses. This way you no longer have any entanglements with this person. You are free from them. Isn't that great to not have that memory in your mind?
Remember, this way you are not releasing the person from taking responsibility for their actions. You are simply releasing the persons involved with that event from you. You forgive them for what they have done to you in that memory of the past you have. This approach is different isn't it? Now, we feel we can release the memory of the event and the persons involved with it.
Next step is to see, if there is something we can do to correct the outcome of the past event at this moment. If we can say sorry or do something to correct the outcome then we can do that now
Last step is to forgive ourselves for participating with that event. There are no co-incidence or victims. Somehow or other, we attracted that event and the person to us, consciously or unconsciously. So we have to take responsibility for that. Then we must understand that, we all do the best thing we can do for any event that we face with the level of awareness we have at that moment. You read that correct? We do the best we can with the level of awareness we have at any moment. We continually change our awareness throughout in our lives. In the past, whatever the awareness we had allowed us to participate at that event and we did the best we can with it. At this moment, when you read this, your awareness of things have changed, so you may see things differently and based on that act differently. But in the past whatever you did, you did with the awareness you had at that moment and you did your best.
Having realized that whatever we all do, in any moment of time, is based on our current awareness of ourselves. Then we can understand why people act the way they do and forgive them and ourselves for our actions. This understanding must apply for everything actions in our lives past, present or future.
With this understanding, I hope you can find peace with yourself by forgiving others and letting go of your past.