Love allows and Fear controls

Last several years of relationships with others have taught us to learn to clearly see where people are coming from and what their motives and our motives are. This post talks a bit about learning to see love and fear within relationships...

Sometimes we seem to confuse these two and thinks that our actions are coming from love but they are not. If someone points out this truth to us, we normally argue about this factor. If we are conscious of our actions we will notice that the attempt to defend our stand means there is something behind it that we must see. We defend by saying how can they say that our actions, our thoughts and what we speak is not coming from love when we do this or say this we are attempting to help this person, help this person find a proper job, to remember what is important in life, etc.. But If we dig deep down, we begin to see that some of our actions are in fact coming from "fear" and has been always the case as our motives are to "control", influence, change the other person to something that we want them to be.

If our actions are coming from love, we become a supportive force, a force that "allow" the person to become who they want them to be, assist them in their endeavors. Also, if our thoughts and actions are coming from love, we will be open to understand, to see what they are talking about, what their path is and learn about it, to understand that path with some effort so that we can be of assistance to them if they ask for support and also let go of our ego judgements that are coming from how things should be. With that understanding that we acquired when they ask, we can point out errors in their thinking, the traps that they might walk into if they make certain decisions or take certain paths.

This is love in action.. Where our needs and our expectations of that person are set aside and simply let the person make choices that are in highest alignment to them, their heart desires and their passion...This way we assist them to fulfill their journeys that they take to find their truth and purpose, to find their courage to become a better person who is happy with their life because they took that journey because they made that choice and took actions to make their dreams come true.

Our job as friends and family is to "allow" the person to make that choice that their heart desires, to assist them to make that dream come true. Especially if it is coming from a dream that is not of ego but of spirit within that is calling them to make that choice.....

If we look carefully, most of us can see people's ego driven dreams that they think are their dreams but not so; these dreams or fantasies comes from greed, desire to control, manipulate and expand their ego and within all of those dreams are a seed of fear; fear of something that they are not aware of that they are creating this fantasy to cover up.

In cases like that of cause when they ask, we have to assist them to see, to understand that what they are really after is not their true dreams but a fantasy that their ego has cooked up just to cover up the fear that their ego is experiencing. And also if they really want to find their dream and their purpose in life they must see the truth and let go of that fantasy that they are holding in their mind or the ego will destroy them by making them take wrong choices and be bounded to something that they might not be able to be free easily.

Also, we come to a place where sometimes they insist that their choices are correct in those cases we have to let them do what they want with compassion as they must learn their lessons. There are also other times especially in partnerships, what we are creating together is challenged by ego fears and fantasies, then we have to take a stand and protect what we are creating together instead of giving in to ego fears and ego fantasies.

In a case where the person is following their truth, their passion, and purpose in life then our task as a friend and family are to "allow" the person to make that choice, to take that journey, however, hard that might be for them. If they are willing and taking that path with courage and motivation, that is great and who are we to judge and drag them away from their path because we are "scared" that they might fail... Can you see? we are first scared within for some reason, if that and that happens to them then maybe we might lose the person, or we might have to do something for them or that we might not be able to see them that often etc.. First its fear withing and then that fear is projected to them through whatever the fantasy story we cook up out of "fear" so we are attempting to "control" the person some way to get them away from their purpose, their dream so that we are not afraid. Can you see how "selfish" the ego within us? it does not understand love so its fears are projected out as love towards the other person and making them do things to make you not be scared; so you can be "happy". Can you really be happy when others are in misery?

The thing is most of us don't want to see this truth and we are so sure that what we are doing is to help the person, to not make them fail, not make them hurt themselves and we think this is out of love but not so.... Out of our fears, we are not letting the person become who they came here to be, not let them fulfill their purpose, their dream and become truly successful and happy.

We drag them down from their path because we are scared that they fail, that they do something and that might affect our life, our way of life and our family life or they might not come see us often and be with us more. These are all ego thinking, ego fears, and ego selfishness. Small thinking, petty thinking that drags us down as well as the people we care for.

With this thinking, we made-up stories, made-up things so that the person is obligated to do things for us; we play our emotional temper tantrum, we threaten. We do things to make the person feel bad and feel guilty; we use every trick in our books to make the person do what we want them to do... This is "control" not "love". However we paint it with pretty words, it is a form of "control". Can you see those obligations or guilt tripping that we do to make the person bend to our way of thinking so they let go of their dream and do what we want them to do? This is heartless thinking that is coming from ego, out of fear, fear for its survival.... See the truth now or you are hurting yourself and others in your life...

Anyways, remember to see clearly when we get unsolicited advice or even when we asked for advises what we are getting is. Remember to see the motive behind. Is it coming from love or fear? If it is from "love" then, there is allowing, acceptance and support. If it is from "fear" then there is some form of control, some form of guilt or obligation behind the thoughts, words, and actions.

If we are in a situation where we are being controlled by our friends or families then we must have the courage to see the truth and not let them drag us down from our path. Also, if we are the person who is controlling the other out of fear, it's time to see this truth and let them be free..

Remember love allows...Fear controls. where are you with your relationships

Love
Pavithra