Awakening and the Dark Night of the Soul
Written in May 2014

Written by Joe Machney @

I can only speak from experience and share how my awakening process as well as the shortly after Dark Night of the Soul was for me.

I was working at a ski resort at the time and being my second year there I was friendly and considerably popular with the others that worked there. We stayed in what were called condos, two sets of four condos each. One was the lower condos and the other the upper. It was quite common to have the higher condo folk to come down to the lower condo people and this was the case on this fateful evening in early 2001. A gathering was beginning and a few people were outside my condo on the walkway that stretched across the lower condos allowing the occupants to go from door to door, condo to condo. I walked out of the door to see who was there and what was going on, and as I opened the door the first person I noticed was an attractive lady, whom had mysteriousness about her. Being 22 years of age, with my hormones in a particular gear most of the time, you’d think that I would consider her from this common adult male perspective, but this was not the case with her. I felt a strange recognition with her, like I’ve seen her before, but not in the same way as one would remember another face, this felt much deeper and unique. I felt interested in her, but I didn’t know how to proceed with ‘chatting her up.’ So I didn’t, and the night unfolded rather uneventful for me, only that the feeling lingered for a time.

 Not long after that I was on the chair lift and as it was letting me off at the top of the mountain I fell in the snow and was not able to get out o the way of the chair as it made its round to go back down the mountain. The chair hit me on the side of the head, close to my temple. Its jarring feeling brought up some nausea but I was not knocked out. The lady who was operating the lift came to see if I was alright. It was the same person whom I met a little while ago, the mysterious one that I was attracted to. I don’t remember if there was blood or not but I still have the scar from it, so I am assuming there was. That being the case I must have went to the first aid place and got medical help. As I have always been able to heal quickly, it wasn`t a huge deal for me.

 Following that I met her again, by chance, in a pub in Calgary and she showed me the Alchemist book, by Paulo Coelho, and said that I should have this. I thanked her and went about my evening.

 Those 3 encounters with this person, if I look back on it now, were part of an agreement that I had with her of which the end result was that I wake up to a spiritual life. A person told me later on that Indigos come into the body through a hit to the head, and as she said that the image of that chairlift hitting me came to my mind. The direction the mysterious lady gave me after my `entrance` was through the Paulo Coelho book. This taught me that certain people come into our lives for a certain reason, and for a certain amount of time. As nothing on the physical plane is permanent, neither can relationships be forever on this plane. I fully believe that the spirit continues after the body dies, as this is where she and I made the agreement to meet at the times I mentioned and the places. It was not a coincidence that we met and the certain events happened with her at those times. So past lives, in my experience, are as true and real as gravity. It is not a theory but a way for the spirit to continue its existence on the physical plane. It is, in a way like an elf being immortal, only human bodies age and die but the spirit continues its education, contracts and evolution.

 As time does not exist and is a man-made idea, the Indigo spirit never has a fixed time for doing anything. As the spiritual awakening continued I left the ski resort and went back to my parents while I decided what next to do with my life. I ended up getting a job at a welding shop in a nearby town. During my time there I felt so happy and so full of joy that I didn`t know how to express it properly. I remember people whom I worked with asking me why I was so happy. I didn`t know what to say, but I do know that I made people happy there and brought more light to their lives as their goofy `pranks` they pulled on me on my last day of work indicated. I brought them all something and as I look back on it now I know that it was the light of my spiritual awakening that they seen, although did not understand. I was guided to go and travel, to visit a young lady from Holland whom I met in Australia in 1999. She too had the same sort of `I know you` feeling that I got from the mysterious lady at the ski resort. I met her in her home country and she taught me more about the spiritual life, and my spirit grew in presence. The country helped to nurture that new part of myself as well as the people were very different from the ones I knew from back home. I got to experience their day to day lives. They were all so loving and welcoming. The rest of the 5 months in Europe allowed me to further explore and develop my new identity and sense of self. It was an amazing experience. I felt like a new person with a whole new world in front of me, a new life was born in me. I left after 5 months and came back home.

Spiritual awakening goes through stages of unfoldment and in my experience following an awakening comes the inevitable Dark Night of the Soul.  I came home and spent a month with a friend whom had just gone through a divorce. The month was filled with a deep longing to go back to Holland as well as much stress and worry about stupid things. The person I was before came back with a vengeance and the new me took a back seat. The only comfort was the 2 weeks I took to go back to Europe for a course and to see that lady again. When I returned to Canada again I left my friend and went back to my parents again. As the depression deepened I retreated deeper and deeper within myself. I didn`t how to explain this to anyone, I had no one to talk to and no one that would understand what I was going through. My only thoughts were on Holland and how I felt there, a continued longing and a total reluctance to what I was going through at that moment. I wrote and wrote about the pain I was going through, doing whatever I could to get these feelings out of my head. I had no friends, only my beloved parents whom were very worried about me. It was as if the worst of the person I use to be was becoming amplified and deepened. Only now do I understand that it was because it was in such conflict with who I was becoming that it had to retain its sense of self and identity. It had to survive and it knew that if this new awakened self would ever fully realise, then it would be no more.

To break this depression I went back to Holland and stayed there for 2 years and 2 months from March 2003 to May 2005. I was told by a wonderful being that I am going through a Dark Night of the Soul and that staying in Holland would help me to fully realise who I am and what I am here to do. As I mentioned earlier, time does not really exist, so it has taken me almost 11 years to FULLY become what the man told me I would become. The Dark Night of the Soul lasted about 10 months, and in my experience spiritual evolution goes through stages, ups and downs, and levels of letting go and healing the part of you that is identified with the ego. As my knowledge and understanding of my multidimensional reality and its levels grew, so did the healing of each of these levels. With that more knowledge and strength as well as gifts came to me. More teams entered the picture to help and guide me and my true mission really started to come into my awareness and become clearer.

This brings me up to today, and what I have learnt through all this is that Awakening and Dark Night of the Soul always follow one another and so one will always equal the other. I see this lesson as a reassurance for me. The first one is always the hardest because it is the first one, or the first one you remember. It is deep and painful and dark. You cannot understand with your mind, you must experience it to understand it. This is a lesson in itself. You must feel spirituality, not only understand it. Only then will you grow and evolve. The past 13 years of my life have proven this to me, after every Dark Night of the Soul comes an awakening and after every awakening comes another Dark Night of the Soul. In knowing this pattern I am able to prepare consciously for the next cycle, if there needs to be one. One`s spirit has its own path and lessons it needs to learn and it is unique to that spirit. I may be done my Dark Night of the Soul days, this last one, which lasted a year, may be the last one. If it is not I know how to endure the upcoming one so that it is only a bump on the road to ascension. The awakening part is true magic. The Dark Night of the Soul is challenging. Remembering the magic and the awareness that comes with it makes the challenge worthwhile. Remember, you agreed to do this and you wouldn`t of agreed to do it if you knew you couldn't make it out to the magic and new life on the other side. The light, your light, at the end of your tunnel, have all been set up by you so you could spiritually evolve to be a gift to the Earth at this time.

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